I have officially closed another chapter of my life. This chapter was called Growing Pains.
Without a doubt, everyone has to grow up sometime. During this past year, I've learned a great deal. Especially in how to deal with relationships... or more correctly, how NOT to deal with relationships. I've made my share of mistakes and have had my share of fears which ended up just hurting me in the end. Ultimately, I guess I blame myself for not having the courage to do what I had to do. I think it's because I'm still so young and still so curious as to what's out there.
It's just unfortunate how I ended up with someone that had completely different values than myself. At first I thought that it was a good thing since it broadens my horizons, yet gradually it broke me down little by little. Unable to understand, unable to accept. Yes, there was a lot that was learned in the process, but it was extremely painful and still unbearable. I used the pretense that my actions were not selfish, but for her. And she believes all the forcing that she does is ultimately for my own good, yet all it does is breed bitterness and regret. The two things that I want the least in my life. But what choice do I have but to accept her "happiness"?
I'm trying to move on, yet it is so hard to do. Little-by-little I've been able to understand my actions, my selfishness, my inability to act. But standing in my way of growth is all the bitterness, anger and pain that is caused by the silence. The silence is deafening. In silence there is no way to express my anger or regret, there is just emptiness. Yet I still trek forward because I don't want to be left behind. I want everyone to know how strong I am and great that I have become. I am the strongest person that I know (besides the mother) and the only sad thing about this whole ordeal is how pitiful I've come to realize the other person is. There are many ways to move on, you can force it and settle for less and hurt everyone in the process, or you can choose to never forget what happened and work to grow together.
There's a difference between being content and true happiness, one is easy and the other one extremely hard and painful, which one will you choose?
I won't settle for anything but the best. In life or in love.
Until you become the best, you'll never deserve me. So farewell my love, Tokyo will always be in my heart.
so i went to mexico last thursday until saturday with my global strategy class. 3 busloads of business students going to mexico... visiting companies and factories by day, getting hammered and partying by night.
it was quite possibly one of the most epic trips that i have ever been on. all the tacos, churros, cervezas, and tequila shots that you can imagine!
this fool shoved a bottle down my throat. not once, but TWICE.
cramming 6 of us in 1 tiny ass taxi in tijuana. tijuana is the shadiest fuckin' place i've EVER been to. haha
picture with my professor! he was at the club with us. oh man i remember drunken telling him how awesome his class is.
the only reason why i decided to keep this xanga a couple years back instead of changing it to another username was because of all the history that was in this xanga. supar_n1nj4? c'mon now that shit was SO five years ago. oh... fuck... five years? There's just so much history on my xanga that i just can't part with it. it's been through two girlfriends, some of high school, and some of the beginning of college. i'm just sad that i didn't continue to write throughout my college career. all of the experiences that i've had at USC were so memorable, yet i just can't seem to remember most of it. i just remember they were memorable. haha. i would've loved to look back at this blog and to try to understand what the young me was thinking. oh well one thing is for sure, i've grown a lot. i look at high schoolers and think, "god they're just fucking kids!" and then i look at college freshmen and think the exact same thing!
oh well, older and wiser i guess. too bad i'm still a fuckin' procrastinator. some things just never change eh? .... fuck it, fight on!
